Grieving

How does one deal with the loss of someone who holds a huge part of your heart? What do you do with the time spent with the person you shared so much time with? Where do you find the comfort, the laughs, the common memories? How do you learn to live in a world where they no longer live?

I recently lost a man who is so dear to me that I don’t know the words to express the loss. Many people around me are feeling the same or even much deeper loss. The man was a giver. He never met a stranger. He gave of himself to all those he met.

He was a man who came from neglect and scarcity. He was not showered with material gifts, nurturing, or love. He spent time in an orphanage and a boys’ school. After graduation, he was drafted into the army and served in the Korean War. He was severely wounded when his patrol unit was ambushed, managed to rescue himself and a fellow soldier, and was saved by a MASH unit. He rehabilitated in Japan and returned to the U.S. He was then called to serve in the Ministry and after graduating from Lynchburg College went to Duke Divinity School to become a Methodist Minister.

This man who had suffered so much became a man of so much love and generosity that you could tell he was filled with Christian spirit as soon as you met him.

He loved animals, especially dogs. He loved to walk any dog he could. He walked our dog as long as we had her. He would come over every week and take her out. When we were out of town, she stayed with him. He loved that she was his shadow for the whole time. If he didn’t have her, he went out in the neighborhood and found a dog to walk. He just loved having a dog companion to share his time with. Since he couldn’t have a dog at home, he became attached to his cats. They were dear to him. He spoiled them completely. He was always in trouble for sneaking treats to them but he didn’t care. He did it anyway because he loved them so much.

He loved his friends. Time spent with friends filled him with joy. To share a laugh and conversation gave him energy and pleasure. He held on to his friends for years and years. Friendship was a gift he treasured and guarded carefully. He taught his children to love and value friendship.

He loved his family. Perhaps most of all. He loved and admired his wife of nearly sixty-five years. He was grateful for her love and support throughout his career. He treasured the memories they shared as they raised their children, traveled, and built a beautiful life together. He loved his children. He was proud of them and the adults they had become. He was happy to have close relationships with each of them and happy to see the close relationship they have with one another. He loved his grandchildren and great-grandchildren and was grateful to have so many loving family members around him.

He loved his church and God. He was filled with faith and that was clear in all he did. With him you could find calm and peace. He provided guidance and wisdom. So many people came to him for his counsel. The spirit of God shone in him and provided comfort through him.

This man welcomed me into his family like a real daughter. He supported me and comforted me when I needed it. He teased me and pestered me as I did him. He shared his feelings with me and I shared mine with him. He was my safe port in any storm.